Marcus Aurelius on what to do with reality
It was a Friday morning at the Starbucks where we held conversations that needed to happen away from the office. My Director of Nursing — the best manager and leader I had ever hired — sat down with her coffee and told me she was leaving to spend more time with her kids.
The impact would be immediate and far-reaching. She handled our most challenging cases, maintained relationships with our staff and key referral sources, and kept our clinical team running smoothly. Finding and training a replacement would take months. When I’d done this before, I got it wrong more often than I got it right. I was nervous about doing it again.
Sitting there, I knew with absolute clarity: no amount of pleading would change her decision. I wanted what was best for her. If she thought staying home with her kids was best, I was going to support her decision.
Marcus Aurelius wrote:
“Live as nature requires. Welcome with affection what is sent by fate. What happens to everyone — good and bad alike — is neither good nor bad. Everything is transitory.”
Instead of spiraling into “why me?” mode, I shifted straight to “what now?”
That wasn’t always how I handled unexpected challenges. Earlier in my career, I would have spent days mentally replaying the conversation, wishing for a different outcome, feeling beaten down by circumstances. I used to waste so much energy caught in the cycle of resistance.
I learned, sometimes painfully, that fighting reality only makes things harder. It wasn’t the events themselves that caused the most damage. It was how much energy I wasted wishing things were different.
The cost of fighting reality
As business owners, we face situations we wouldn’t choose. A key employee leaves. A promising deal collapses at the eleventh hour. Market changes force us to pivot overnight. When the pandemic hit, I watched business owners respond in two distinct ways. Those who spent months hoping things would “go back to normal.” Those who accepted the situation and started adapting immediately.
The ones who adapted fastest weren’t necessarily smarter or more talented. They just weren’t wasting energy arguing with what was.
Social media shows us everyone else’s highlight reel. It makes it even harder to accept our own setbacks. The pressure to appear always successful, always growing, always winning can keep us stuck in resistance when we should be focusing on adaptation.
From resistance to response
One tool that transformed my approach came from Byron Katie’s Loving What Is. When facing a challenging situation, she suggests asking four questions:
Is it true?
Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
How do I react when I believe that thought?
Who would I be without that thought?
I applied these questions when a significant referral source — about 10% of our business — stopped sending patients our way. The situation was serious. My years of experience had taught me to focus on solutions rather than spiral.
The questions helped me stay focused on what opportunities this created to strengthen other relationships. How we could diversify our referral sources. What we could learn from the situation.
The shift was almost immediate. Instead of being stuck in fear and resistance, I could focus on action.
Acceptance as a business strategy
This isn’t just about feeling better. It’s about making better decisions. When you stop arguing with reality, you free up mental energy for problem-solving.
After my Director of Nursing left, I focused on supporting the remaining team members. Restructuring responsibilities to maintain patient care. Creating better systems so we weren’t so dependent on any one person. Developing a stronger succession planning process — something I tried but honestly never got right.
The business ended up stronger because I didn’t waste time fighting what I couldn’t change.
Building the acceptance muscle
Like any skill, radical acceptance gets stronger with practice. Start small.
Notice your resistance. What situations trigger your “this shouldn’t be happening” response? Where do you find yourself replaying events? What thoughts keep you stuck?
Question your stories. Are your thoughts about the situation actually true? What assumptions are you making? What possibilities are you not seeing?
Shift to action. What’s the next practical step? What opportunities might this situation create? What can you learn?
The real power of acceptance
Radical acceptance doesn’t mean giving up or approving of what’s happening. It means refusing to waste energy fighting what you can’t change. It means choosing to focus your resources on what you can actually influence.
When that employee left for more family time, or when the referral source disappeared, or when any of a hundred other challenges arose, acceptance wasn’t about liking what happened. It was about choosing where to direct my energy.
Your choice
Every challenge presents a choice. You can resist what’s happening — waste energy on frustration, anger, or denial — or you can acknowledge reality and focus on your next move.
The sooner you accept what’s real, the sooner you can create what’s possible.
What reality are you fighting right now? What could you do with that energy if you chose to accept and adapt instead?
About the Author
Ron Tester is a physical therapist with thirty years in the field. He built, grew, and operated a multidisciplinary home health company employing PTs, OTs, and SLPs through a successful exit. He now coaches outpatient PT, OT, and SLP clinic owners on operating at the owner level. Certified Executive Coach and Book Yourself® Solid Coach. Learn more at https://rontestercoaching.com/about.