Radical Acceptance
(A Resilience Strategy for Small Business Owners)
What Marcus Aurelius Knew About Success That Most Entrepreneurs Ignore
It was a Friday morning at the Starbucks where we held conversations that needed to happen away from the office. My Director of Nursing—the best manager/leader I had ever hired, sat down with her coffee and told me she was leaving to spend more time with her kids.
The impact would be immediate and far-reaching. She dealt with our most challenging cases, maintained relationships with our staff as well as key referral sources, and kept our clinical team running smoothly. Finding and training a replacement would take months. And when I had done this before, I got it wrong more often than I got it right, so I was nervous about doing this again.
But sitting there, I knew something with absolute clarity: no amount of pleading would change her decision. Besides, I wanted what was best for her, and if she thought that staying home with her kids was best, I was going to support her decision.
Marcus Aurelius wrote, “Live as nature requires. Welcome with affection what is sent by fate. What happens to everyone—good and bad alike—is neither good nor bad. Everything is transitory.”
So instead of spiraling into “Why me?” mode, I shifted straight into “What now?”
That wasn’t always how I handled unexpected challenges. Earlier in my career, I would have spent days mentally replaying the conversation, wishing for a different outcome, feeling beaten down by circumstances. I used to waste so much energy caught in that cycle of resistance.
But I learned—sometimes painfully—that fighting reality only makes things harder. It wasn’t the events themselves that caused the most damage; it was how much energy I wasted wishing things were different.
The Cost of Fighting Reality
As business owners, we face situations we wouldn’t choose. A key employee leaves. A promising deal collapses at the eleventh hour. Market changes force us to pivot overnight. When the pandemic hit, I watched business owners respond in two distinct ways: those who spent months hoping things would “go back to normal,” and those who accepted the situation and started adapting immediately.
The ones who adapted fastest weren’t necessarily smarter or more talented. They just weren’t wasting energy arguing with what was.
Social media shows us everyone else’s highlight reel, making it even harder to accept our own setbacks. The pressure to appear always successful, always growing, always winning can keep us stuck in resistance when we should be focusing on adaptation.
From Resistance to Response
One tool that transformed my approach came from Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is. When facing a challenging situation, she suggests asking four simple questions:
- Is it true?
- Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
- How do I react when I believe that thought?
- Who would I be without that thought?
I applied these questions when a significant referral source—one that represented almost 10% of our business—stopped sending patients our way. While the situation was serious, my years of experience had taught me to focus on solutions rather than spiral into catastrophic thinking.
The questions helped me stay focused:
- What opportunities did this create to strengthen other relationships?
- How could we diversify our referral sources?
- What could we learn from this situation?
The shift was almost immediate. Instead of being stuck in fear and resistance, I could focus on action.
Acceptance as a Business Strategy
This isn’t just about feeling better—it’s about making better decisions. When you stop arguing with reality, you free up mental energy for problem-solving. After my Director of Nursing left, I focused on:
- Supporting the remaining team members
- Restructuring responsibilities to maintain patient care
- Creating better systems so we weren’t so dependent on any one person
- Developing a stronger succession planning process (something I tried but honestly never got right)
The business ended up stronger because I didn’t waste time fighting what I couldn’t change.
Building the Acceptance Muscle
Like any skill, radical acceptance gets stronger with practice. Start small:
Notice Your Resistance
- What situations trigger your “this shouldn’t be happening” response?
- Where do you find yourself replaying events, wishing for different outcomes?
- What thoughts keep you stuck?
Question Your Stories
- Are your thoughts about the situation actually true?
- What assumptions are you making?
- What possibilities are you not seeing?
Shift to Action
- What’s the next practical step you can take?
- What opportunities might this situation create?
- What can you learn from this?
The Real Power of Acceptance
Radical acceptance doesn’t mean giving up or approving of what’s happening. It means refusing to waste energy fighting what you can’t change. It means choosing to focus your resources on what you can actually influence.
When that employee left for more family time, or when that referral source disappeared, or when any of a hundred other challenges arose, acceptance wasn’t about liking what happened. It was about choosing where to direct my energy.
The Choice Is Yours
Every challenge presents a choice: you can resist what’s happening—waste energy on frustration, anger, or denial—or you can acknowledge reality and focus on your next move.
The sooner you accept what’s real, the sooner you can create what’s possible.
What reality are you fighting right now? What could you do with that energy if you chose to accept and adapt instead?
